I really wish this was easier… or that I was stronger. I wish I could forget as easily as you did. I wish I didn’t care so much because it is obvious you stopped caring about me. I feel like I have no one, like everything is crashing down on me and I’m closing in on myself. Everything I once believed to be true seems more and more like a lie and I don’t know how I allowed myself to fall under it for so long. I should have known better, I should have been able to tell. I knew deep down inside it wouldn’t be much longer but I allowed myself to forget the truth and hold on to the little bit we had left. I wish I believed people when they say “you deserve better”, but you’ve made me feel so low about myself I find it hard to understand what they are telling me and I just push their words far away. What we had was good, it fit us and you threw it all away. I hope one day you realize all you gave up and you find a way to live with it.
I really don’t understand why I do it… it starts to get better and then all of a sudden it’s even worse than it was before. After all this time I would think things would be different, I used to be so sure about us and now I don’t even know if we will make it until tomorrow. You can never be straight up with me, it’s like you’re constantly waiting for me to be the one to end it because you don’t want to live with the guilt of being the one that said it’s over. I know what I want and if it’s different for you than just be a man and get over it. It’s always been the same for me and nothing has changed as far as where I stand, you are the one that is different and I don’t understand why. I really don’t know what to think anymore…
